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[inkindled]

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[incaenstrix]

[ A hesitation. Then she admits - ]

I didn't do that. I - got freed by others. But - someday, I will. I'll find him.

[inkindled]

You will.

[He's quick with that, firm, because it's true. The certitude comes of having sat around pitiful little campfires with other apprentices, keeping warm by the flames and by the strength of their own convictions. Every so often someone new would voice their story, and everyone would listen, and agree: it was shit, what happened. But it would not happen every again, to anyone, not while they were standing and together.]

It goes in that order, sometimes. I-- Well, I reckon. I wouldn't know precisely. You've been somewhere different'n I have, but-- I know, in a small way. It doesn't make it mean anything less if you go back and do that bit later. And in the meantime, you're out here and free and all, and that's the first bit, the bit that matters right now. 'Cos you're here.

[incaenstrix]

[ Ah. She swallows. Then she says, quietly - ]

I see why Marcus trusts you.

[inkindled]

[Not expecting that to be said in this moment, especially so candidly, and openly, Matthias says,]

Argkf, [then,] sorry. Oh. Yeah. Does he? I mean, sure, yeah. I didn't-- I wasn't trying to be-- I mean, I did mean it. What I said.

[incaenstrix]

[ The absurd noise startles a little laugh out of her. ]

Sorry. Was that awkward? It's - What you said made me feel better.

[inkindled]

No, it wasn't. I mean, you haven't got to be sorry. I mean--I'm glad, like, that it, that it made you feel better.

[Whew. Deep breath. Come at this again.]

I'm sorry. I'm the one what's awkward. I'm a right tit sometimes. Most times. Sorry. You'll learn that if you keep talking with me after this, which, [a little self-deprecating laugh,] I'd not blame you if you decided I wasn't worth it.

But, really. I am glad, to have made you feel better. Even a little. You-- You seem all right.

[incaenstrix]

[ She giggles. ]

You do too. Do you want to practice magic sometime?

[inkindled]

Yeah!

[That's an immediate mood improvement.]

Yeah, that'd be brilliant. Anytime you like--right now, even. I think we'd be well-suited to practice together, if we're doing some of the same things, but not all of the same things. And I love practicing besides, I dunno about you.

[incaenstrix]

Sometimes. It does depend a bit who I'm practicing with.

[inkindled]

Well, yeah, I s'ppose same for me, really. What makes a guaranteed no for you?

[incaenstrix]

Oh - calling me names. Talking down to me. Smacking me. Stuff that’ll be easy to avoid. What about you?

[inkindled]

Uhhh-- that, but sometimes that's sort of motivating, you know? I reckon I'm better when I'm angry. Sometimes. Well, maybe not. 'Cos I don't think clearly. I think I always thought I was better when I was angry, but I dunno that that's true actually.

So, all of that. Yeah. And anyone that says they want to practice but then they try too hard to show you up and beat you. 'Cos that's not what it's about at all.

[incaenstrix]

I can imagine that'd be really irritating. Yeah. What makes you think you're not so good when you're angry?

[inkindled]

I-- Well, I tend to fuck up. When I'm angry.

[incaenstrix]

[ Eh. She gives a little frown, and then says, nonjudgmentally: ]

That makes sense, yeah. I guess most people do.

[inkindled]

Yeah. True.

[He hesitates (for once).]

It's just, when you fuck up, and you're using magic-- it can go badly. Not in a way you mean it to. Right?

[incaenstrix]

[ A little thoughtful frown. ]

I mean, you can hurt someone if you’re not particularly accurate, or something like that. Is that what you mean?

[inkindled]

Yeah.

But you could turn into an Abomination as well. If it was really bad.

[incaenstrix]

[ How do you know a mage isn't from the South? You know because she says something like: ]

What is an Abomination, exactly?

[inkindled]

[Right. Having someone ask that, so baldly--it's strange.]

It's when you get possessed, by a demon. You're alive and you can see what you're doing but you haven't got any control. And outside you looks like you, and sound like you, but it's the demon and it's moving you like a puppet. It happens when-- when you're weak.

[incaenstrix]

[ A blink of surprise. ]

I thought that - if a demon caught you, you died.

[ She has, it seems, been misinformed. ]

[inkindled]

You do, at the end. Either 'cos someone kills you or gets the demon to rip its way out of you. But there's a bit before, a long bit sometimes, where you're still alive.

Did they teach you about this? I know you weren't in a Circle, like--but you were somewhere. And you had magic.

[incaenstrix]

They -

[ A slight hesitation. ]

They taught me a few things. Like - Yeah. If I was in the Fade, and I saw a demon, I had to run away from it, because it'd kill me right away. Which I guess...isn't true, exactly.

[inkindled]

Not exactly. Not exactly untrue, either, I s'ppose.

[But still.]

What else did they teach you, then?

[incaenstrix]

Well…How to read. Sort of. And then they left me with a few books about magic, and brought me out to practice every now and again. I just learned to do the basic spells - fire and lightning, that’s it. I think maybe they thought if I exercised my magic it’d be useful, but they didn’t want me to do it too much.