[ She shrugs. ] Make one up, I guess? I dunno. They gotta come from somewhere don't they? My clan name means Land of Song, which kinda means we only got that name once we'd got a reputation for singing, right?
[ She taps the club-end of the chair leg on the toe of her boot, idly. In the dream, had her daughter been of clan Sulahnan, or Atish'an? Or Cora di Vadarta, perhaps? Athessa shakes her head. No point thinking about it, because it didn't happen. ]
I bet Bastien'd help you come up with one. Or you could use mine, if you wanted. Matthias Sulahnan? [ It's an easy thing to offer, since the name should go to the people she cares most about. Her family, as it is now. ]
Or maybe you could take Laura's, if she didn't mind.
Only thing I've got a reputation for is fire and cocking things up, sometimes. 'Matthias Fire Cock-Up'.
[Matthias Sulahnan. Matthias Kint. He crouches down and gets more involved in sorting through the rubbish, pulling at it with his hands.]
I haven't seen Laura in a bit. Not since we all woke up. [And that's all right, maybe, is what he should say--or more honestly, and I don't know about that. He bites at the inside of his cheek.] I don't mind not having a surname. I don't come from anything. I reckon that's all right, and it's true, so. I dunno. I'd have to think about it.
[ The initial dubious look that she delivers in response to "Matthias Fire Cock-Up" doesn't stick around long enough for him to see it, as invested as he is in that pile of junk. It changes from that, to quiet consideration, trying to read what he's not saying in his body language, in what she can see in his face from this angle. ]
Alright, [ It's not a tough concession to make; if he doesn't mind, he doesn't mind, and neither does she. ] No way in hell I'm calling you Fire Cock-Up, in any case.
[ Tap tap, the chair leg against her boot again. ]
Did something happen with you two? When I saw her in the dream, she said you were getting married.
[And it was good, which he doesn't say, but squinches up his eyes as he roots determinedly through the pile of rubbish. Bottles and broken tea saucers. No more dolls.
[ Yeah, that was a dream. Half a shrug is all it's worth, perhaps.
But blood magic? That's not a dream, good or otherwise. Her mind doesn't go to Calpurnia drawing on the life leeched from Byerly, the horrible sight of Isaac's malformed face in that Venatori stronghold. Her mind goes back to Orlais, before even the first winter of shared dreaming; the tug of magic on her veins that even now makes her skin crawl to think of it, makes her fingers twitch, curl into a fist, then release.
[The words stand on there own for a moment, and then Matthias bursts back in to the conversation to fill the space.]
It was only for a moment. It was at the end, or I think it was the end. We were climbing the mountain and I could do anything, and there was this Vint, and I stopped him. I could do anything, seriously, it was magic like I've never had before. I didn't think about it, it only happened.
[ Athessa stays where she is, but her idle boot-tapping has stopped. Shes very un-idle, despite her overall stillness. Watchful, but not wary.
She trusts Matthias, and as they've both said, it was a dream. She was able to completely shrug off the effects of Isacc's spells there, at the end. Maybe this is just an extension of that? ]
[ She doesn't know what to say. He knows it was a dream, there's no point in repeating it again just to... what? Hammer that nail further into the coffin lid? She could press for more details, try to prove that even in the dream, it wasn't blood magic. Insist that he'd never.
It feels like she stands there for an age before her feet start moving. Slow steps that carry her over to Matthias and his little pile of rubble. Athessa crouches beside him, folding her arms on her knees and looking down at the pile. ]
What do you think would've happened if you didn't?
[Matthias' shoulders hunch as Athessa crouches down beside him. He keeps his eyes fixed on the pile of rubbish, on his fingers, on finding something that could be thrown. He ignores the knot in his chest. It feels like a brand, like someone has pressed something very hot to the inside of his skin.]
I thought she'd be killed.
[His hand scrapes through the rubbish. Crumpled parchment whispers rough against the floor; bottles clink quietly together.]
But she wouldn't have been. It was a dream. And even if it wasn't, she's-- she's strong, she's better'n I am. But I still went for it.
I thought I knew. I don't know. I don't remember, I only remember doing it, and she was-- I'd made these walls of ice, she was climbing them, and the Vint, he was dead, and-- And it seemed real.
[He shoves the rubbish back again and sinks back on his heels, wraps his arms around his legs and pulls them close so he can stare with furious concentration over the tops of his knees.]
I think I'd do it. If I had to. I never thought I would, there was-- We were fighting and we got used for things, we were in danger, it was a war, right? So of course we were. But we didn't do blood magic. I knew mages what did and I understand, why, but I didn't think I would. But I would. I know that now.
[ Athessa rests her chin on her forearms, and her forearms on her knees, staring down at that pile of rubbish and not really seeing it. Not really looking. Her fingers curl in a stiff grip on the fabric of her sleeves, the only way she can stop the nervous tic. ]
I hope you never have to. [ She doesn't want to have to be scared of him. ]
Yeah. [He digs his chin in against his knees.] But if it was you--or Derrica, or Laura--I'd do it. If it meant saving you, if it really meant that. I'd have to.
Right, I know that. I only meant if you could do magic.
[Maybe she answered it already. She would do a lot to save him, and Derrica. And if she were a mage, that would include whatever magic she could manage. No matter what.
Abruptly, Matthias unfolds and pushes himself up to his feet. He uses the side of his boot to shove at the rubbish this time, scraping it further back into place.]
[ Athessa is a bit slower to unfold, taking a moment to watch her breath puff out into the cold air before she stands and shrugs. The cold has injected a light ache into her shoulder, but she pays it no mind. ]
About what? You haven't done anything. [ Who would she tell, anyway? Before she knew it was a dream, she was about ready to leave the Resistance behind because the people she could trust had gone and the ones that were left were proving themselves no better than the enemy.
There has to be a line, somewhere, that they won't cross. ]
You know when you eat pasta too quick and you end up with an intact noodle down your throat? And then when you go to pull it out, it's like, longer than you expected and you have to fight back gagging the whole time it's coming out?
[His nose wrinkles. He stops shoving at rubbish and gives her a funny look. But of course Matthias--consummate too-fast eater--knows that feeling all too well.]
That's kinda what it feels like. [ Yeah it's a weird description, but...well. ] Being controlled by blood magic, I mean. Only instead of pulling on noodles someone's pulling on your veins, and there's no end to it. And you can't fight anything.
[ There's a little ceramic pitcher with a broken handle, just there. Athessa fetches it up and turns it over in her hands, brushing some dirt off of it before holding it out to Matthias. She can't know what it feels like to be a mage, to wield that magic, but she knows what it feels like to be subjected to it. Maybe he does, too, she can't know what he's endured in this war or the one that came before it, but... ]
I'm not sure I'd wanna subject anyone to that, even if I could.
[ She doesn't meet his gaze, looking instead down at the pitcher, at his shoulder, at the far wall, the doors to the warehouse that they don't have a key for. ]
[ She shakes her head. Is she looking for an apology? No. The maleficar she would've wanted that from died the same night she was puppeted. ]
I just... [ A sigh forces itself out, a puff of mist into the cold air. ]
I mean I can't tell you not to do it, especially if you don't have a choice, 'cos if it's between doing that and losing someone, it's not really a choice, is it. But...I dunno. Just... keep in mind what you might be doing to someone, I guess. So you can know if it's worth it before you do it.
[ This is awful. She doesn't know how to reconcile her fear of blood magic with what he's just told her, with his willingness to do it to save her, or Laura, or Derrica. How would Derrica feel about it?
Athessa's boot heel scuffs against the dirt and rubbish on the floor as she steps back. It's a harsh sound in what her mind thinks is an otherwise deafening silence, and it grates on her ears like a knife.
They should smash more stuff. She should leave. Her feet think they should run. Another sigh. She forces her hands to unclench so she can reach up to fetch the joint from behind her ear. ]
Can you—? [ She should've brought matches, but she didn't. She holds the joint out to Matthias. ]
[He's quick to comply. Fire is almost like exhaling, natural and entirely without thought. The flame is small and familiar. The joint catches easy.]
First magic I ever did was fire. [He chances a glance at her, then at the lit end of the joint, that tiny ember.] I weren't more'n a kid. It was just before Harvestmere and we were playing, we were meant to be gathering up the leftover grains but we were down by the stables and I just, [He makes a fist, opens his fingers. Phoom.] and it went up in a blaze.
They told me magic was terrible. I never thought it was. It's always saved me.
[ Athessa takes in the smoke, lets it burn in her lungs and her throat until she has to blow it out again or else choke. She paces about, slowly, just barely giving in to the need to move without indulging in the urge to run.
The fire doesn't scare her. Magic in general never has, but being made a prisoner within her own body, able to see and feel herself doing things without control of her limbs or agency enough to fight back was something else entirely. She's known from the beginning that Matthias had the ability to burn her if he wanted. Derrica and Kostos could electrocute her without a thought. Colin could crush the life out of her. Isaac and Benedict could trap her in a waking nightmare or put her into a sleep she would never wake from. None of that has ever bothered her.
Acknowledging that she's heard what Matthias said, Athessa nods. Frowns. Takes another drag. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-02-21 08:15 pm (UTC)[ She taps the club-end of the chair leg on the toe of her boot, idly. In the dream, had her daughter been of clan Sulahnan, or Atish'an? Or Cora di Vadarta, perhaps? Athessa shakes her head. No point thinking about it, because it didn't happen. ]
I bet Bastien'd help you come up with one. Or you could use mine, if you wanted. Matthias Sulahnan? [ It's an easy thing to offer, since the name should go to the people she cares most about. Her family, as it is now. ]
Or maybe you could take Laura's, if she didn't mind.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-21 10:43 pm (UTC)[Matthias Sulahnan. Matthias Kint. He crouches down and gets more involved in sorting through the rubbish, pulling at it with his hands.]
I haven't seen Laura in a bit. Not since we all woke up. [And that's all right, maybe, is what he should say--or more honestly, and I don't know about that. He bites at the inside of his cheek.] I don't mind not having a surname. I don't come from anything. I reckon that's all right, and it's true, so. I dunno. I'd have to think about it.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-21 10:54 pm (UTC)Alright, [ It's not a tough concession to make; if he doesn't mind, he doesn't mind, and neither does she. ] No way in hell I'm calling you Fire Cock-Up, in any case.
[ Tap tap, the chair leg against her boot again. ]
Did something happen with you two? When I saw her in the dream, she said you were getting married.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-21 11:11 pm (UTC)[And it was good, which he doesn't say, but squinches up his eyes as he roots determinedly through the pile of rubbish. Bottles and broken tea saucers. No more dolls.
After a beat, he decides, simply, to say it.]
Have you seen someone do blood magic before?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-21 11:21 pm (UTC)But blood magic? That's not a dream, good or otherwise. Her mind doesn't go to Calpurnia drawing on the life leeched from Byerly, the horrible sight of Isaac's malformed face in that Venatori stronghold. Her mind goes back to Orlais, before even the first winter of shared dreaming; the tug of magic on her veins that even now makes her skin crawl to think of it, makes her fingers twitch, curl into a fist, then release.
She nods once, slightly. ]
I have.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-22 06:14 am (UTC)Right. So. I did it.
[The words stand on there own for a moment, and then Matthias bursts back in to the conversation to fill the space.]
It was only for a moment. It was at the end, or I think it was the end. We were climbing the mountain and I could do anything, and there was this Vint, and I stopped him. I could do anything, seriously, it was magic like I've never had before. I didn't think about it, it only happened.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-22 04:47 pm (UTC)[ Athessa stays where she is, but her idle boot-tapping has stopped. Shes very un-idle, despite her overall stillness. Watchful, but not wary.
She trusts Matthias, and as they've both said, it was a dream. She was able to completely shrug off the effects of Isacc's spells there, at the end. Maybe this is just an extension of that? ]
Like, when you say you could do anything...
no subject
Date: 2021-02-22 11:19 pm (UTC)[He pushes the rubbish back into place, one sweep. Methodically, he begins picking through it again.]
With his hand. He was strangling himself and Laura told me to stop and then she cut out his throat. And he died. It was a dream, I know, but I did it.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-23 07:18 am (UTC)It feels like she stands there for an age before her feet start moving. Slow steps that carry her over to Matthias and his little pile of rubble. Athessa crouches beside him, folding her arms on her knees and looking down at the pile. ]
What do you think would've happened if you didn't?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-23 05:38 pm (UTC)I thought she'd be killed.
[His hand scrapes through the rubbish. Crumpled parchment whispers rough against the floor; bottles clink quietly together.]
But she wouldn't have been. It was a dream. And even if it wasn't, she's-- she's strong, she's better'n I am. But I still went for it.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-23 06:21 pm (UTC)[ He hasn't said as much, that he knew it was a dream by that point, but... she thinks not. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 01:16 am (UTC)[He shoves the rubbish back again and sinks back on his heels, wraps his arms around his legs and pulls them close so he can stare with furious concentration over the tops of his knees.]
I think I'd do it. If I had to. I never thought I would, there was-- We were fighting and we got used for things, we were in danger, it was a war, right? So of course we were. But we didn't do blood magic. I knew mages what did and I understand, why, but I didn't think I would. But I would. I know that now.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 02:31 am (UTC)I hope you never have to. [ She doesn't want to have to be scared of him. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 05:26 am (UTC)Yeah. [He digs his chin in against his knees.] But if it was you--or Derrica, or Laura--I'd do it. If it meant saving you, if it really meant that. I'd have to.
Wouldn't you? If it was you?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 08:01 am (UTC)[ Where is the line? She shakes her head. There's no use indulging this question, because she's not a mage. ]
It's not like magic's anything I can do, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 05:59 pm (UTC)[Maybe she answered it already. She would do a lot to save him, and Derrica. And if she were a mage, that would include whatever magic she could manage. No matter what.
Abruptly, Matthias unfolds and pushes himself up to his feet. He uses the side of his boot to shove at the rubbish this time, scraping it further back into place.]
Don't tell anyone.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 09:22 pm (UTC)About what? You haven't done anything. [ Who would she tell, anyway? Before she knew it was a dream, she was about ready to leave the Resistance behind because the people she could trust had gone and the ones that were left were proving themselves no better than the enemy.
There has to be a line, somewhere, that they won't cross. ]
You know when you eat pasta too quick and you end up with an intact noodle down your throat? And then when you go to pull it out, it's like, longer than you expected and you have to fight back gagging the whole time it's coming out?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 01:42 am (UTC)Yeah?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 01:56 am (UTC)[ There's a little ceramic pitcher with a broken handle, just there. Athessa fetches it up and turns it over in her hands, brushing some dirt off of it before holding it out to Matthias. She can't know what it feels like to be a mage, to wield that magic, but she knows what it feels like to be subjected to it. Maybe he does, too, she can't know what he's endured in this war or the one that came before it, but... ]
I'm not sure I'd wanna subject anyone to that, even if I could.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 03:40 am (UTC)When did that happen to you?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 04:20 am (UTC)[ She doesn't meet his gaze, looking instead down at the pitcher, at his shoulder, at the far wall, the doors to the warehouse that they don't have a key for. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 09:53 pm (UTC)I'm sorry.
[I wouldn't do it to you. He doesn't say it.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 10:28 pm (UTC)I just... [ A sigh forces itself out, a puff of mist into the cold air. ]
I mean I can't tell you not to do it, especially if you don't have a choice, 'cos if it's between doing that and losing someone, it's not really a choice, is it. But...I dunno. Just... keep in mind what you might be doing to someone, I guess. So you can know if it's worth it before you do it.
[ This is awful. She doesn't know how to reconcile her fear of blood magic with what he's just told her, with his willingness to do it to save her, or Laura, or Derrica. How would Derrica feel about it?
Athessa's boot heel scuffs against the dirt and rubbish on the floor as she steps back. It's a harsh sound in what her mind thinks is an otherwise deafening silence, and it grates on her ears like a knife.
They should smash more stuff. She should leave. Her feet think they should run. Another sigh. She forces her hands to unclench so she can reach up to fetch the joint from behind her ear. ]
Can you—? [ She should've brought matches, but she didn't. She holds the joint out to Matthias. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 01:43 am (UTC)First magic I ever did was fire. [He chances a glance at her, then at the lit end of the joint, that tiny ember.] I weren't more'n a kid. It was just before Harvestmere and we were playing, we were meant to be gathering up the leftover grains but we were down by the stables and I just, [He makes a fist, opens his fingers. Phoom.] and it went up in a blaze.
They told me magic was terrible. I never thought it was. It's always saved me.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 02:26 am (UTC)The fire doesn't scare her. Magic in general never has, but being made a prisoner within her own body, able to see and feel herself doing things without control of her limbs or agency enough to fight back was something else entirely. She's known from the beginning that Matthias had the ability to burn her if he wanted. Derrica and Kostos could electrocute her without a thought. Colin could crush the life out of her. Isaac and Benedict could trap her in a waking nightmare or put her into a sleep she would never wake from. None of that has ever bothered her.
Acknowledging that she's heard what Matthias said, Athessa nods. Frowns. Takes another drag. ]
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: