[But that's not enough. Laura can't be expected to understand when Matthias himself barely understands his resistance. For him, it's enough to know and not think too deeply on it. For Laura--on his end, he frowns, rubbing at his nose as he tries to puzzle through an explanation.]
I like him. Marcus Rowantree. He's brilliant. I liked him even before we came to Riftwatch, he's a bloody hero of the war, everyone's heard of him and the things he's done. And Madame de Codeux as well, of course, I can't help that. She's like the bit that you put on the top of the cake for decoration? But she's got brains as well, she's really interesting and clever. And I like them so much that if I were living next door to them--well, it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it? I'd see them all the time and they'd see me all the time and if I were, I dunno--coming back to our room barefoot, or carrying my pants or something--and Marcus Rowantree were coming out of his room, and he saw me--imagine it. It'd be awful.
[ She hadn't considered this possibility, the idea of being seen when they might prefer not to be. It's simple to say I will not be seen, I am never seen when I don't wish to be, but if she's very tired and bloodied from her work and all in disarray, and she were to encounter a neatly kept Madame de Cedoux...well, it doesn't have the same sting for her. The more she learns of Madame de Cedoux, the more she seems like a woman who always existed as she does now, incapable of explaining her elegance for the fact that she's never lived without it.
(Poor Julius doesn't factor into these considerations at all. She knows him only by sight and scent.)
But she thinks she can understand the concern. Matthias dislikes the idea of looking foolish in front of someone who never looks foolish to him. ]
We could live in the other tower. [ Would that confuse Biter? After a moment, she concedes-- ] Or on the fourth floor.
[Yeah, is what it should be, less of a question, but Matthias can't help the inflection he puts on the word. There is a little twinge of relief in him, swiftly followed by another little sting.]
Only now I feel stupid. Do you really not think of things like this?
[ In the same sort of voice he uses, the same tone he'd have if it were him reassuring her.
His question takes a moment longer, though. The things that make her feel insecure don't match up with the things that make Matthias insecure - a good thing, since she might conceivably help him. (He always believes in her humanity, even when she doesn't. She wants to believe in his dignity.) But it's still a relatively new skill, trying to imagine someone else's feelings and offer assistance, and it requires effort. ]
People already know that I am a murderer. If they think badly of me, I don't think it will be for my bare feet. [ A little pause. ] Besides, Marcus Rowntree might be the one caught carrying his pants.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-08-03 02:57 am (UTC)...And that would be a problem.
[ In an I'm trying to understand voice ]
no subject
Date: 2021-08-03 07:49 pm (UTC)[But that's not enough. Laura can't be expected to understand when Matthias himself barely understands his resistance. For him, it's enough to know and not think too deeply on it. For Laura--on his end, he frowns, rubbing at his nose as he tries to puzzle through an explanation.]
I like him. Marcus Rowantree. He's brilliant. I liked him even before we came to Riftwatch, he's a bloody hero of the war, everyone's heard of him and the things he's done. And Madame de Codeux as well, of course, I can't help that. She's like the bit that you put on the top of the cake for decoration? But she's got brains as well, she's really interesting and clever. And I like them so much that if I were living next door to them--well, it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it? I'd see them all the time and they'd see me all the time and if I were, I dunno--coming back to our room barefoot, or carrying my pants or something--and Marcus Rowantree were coming out of his room, and he saw me--imagine it. It'd be awful.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-03 10:30 pm (UTC)[ She hadn't considered this possibility, the idea of being seen when they might prefer not to be. It's simple to say I will not be seen, I am never seen when I don't wish to be, but if she's very tired and bloodied from her work and all in disarray, and she were to encounter a neatly kept Madame de Cedoux...well, it doesn't have the same sting for her. The more she learns of Madame de Cedoux, the more she seems like a woman who always existed as she does now, incapable of explaining her elegance for the fact that she's never lived without it.
(Poor Julius doesn't factor into these considerations at all. She knows him only by sight and scent.)
But she thinks she can understand the concern. Matthias dislikes the idea of looking foolish in front of someone who never looks foolish to him. ]
We could live in the other tower. [ Would that confuse Biter? After a moment, she concedes-- ] Or on the fourth floor.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-04 03:20 am (UTC)[Yeah, is what it should be, less of a question, but Matthias can't help the inflection he puts on the word. There is a little twinge of relief in him, swiftly followed by another little sting.]
Only now I feel stupid. Do you really not think of things like this?
no subject
Date: 2021-08-04 03:38 am (UTC)[ In the same sort of voice he uses, the same tone he'd have if it were him reassuring her.
His question takes a moment longer, though. The things that make her feel insecure don't match up with the things that make Matthias insecure - a good thing, since she might conceivably help him. (He always believes in her humanity, even when she doesn't. She wants to believe in his dignity.) But it's still a relatively new skill, trying to imagine someone else's feelings and offer assistance, and it requires effort. ]
People already know that I am a murderer. If they think badly of me, I don't think it will be for my bare feet. [ A little pause. ] Besides, Marcus Rowntree might be the one caught carrying his pants.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-04 05:15 am (UTC)Maker's balls. Don't say that! [--though he's clearly too amused to really mean it.] Now I'm going to think of it.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-04 01:38 pm (UTC)[ It'd be thoroughly deadpan if her smile weren't coming through in the words. Making Matthias laugh is always satisfying. ]
Maybe he will be drunk.